I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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