You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
