Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize