All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
