i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i now understand why vodka
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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