The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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