Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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