mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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