id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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