i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
