I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
