we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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