Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
