He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
