my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
