So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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