that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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