i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
