I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
