You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
