I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
