i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
