I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
