I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
