Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
