I hate all girls vehemently.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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