checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
