Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
