I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
