I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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