I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
