I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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