Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
