Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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