I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm always down for nudity.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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