I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
