My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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