You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
