Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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