hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
