you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
