I'm so fucking centered right now
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
