my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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