the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He did a backflip because drugs
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