After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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