he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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