I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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