So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
