It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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