My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
