Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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