You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
