Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
