her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
