Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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