I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
