I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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