before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize