WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
