my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
