I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
