also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
