I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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