just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
