Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
