god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
