Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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